This is just a personal growth post. I’ve been single for about 7 years now. At first it was because I was heartbroken from a past relationship. People would tell me to start hoeing around to get out of my feelings (makes sense right?) or find something to distract myself from the hurt. I admit, I took the first suggestion and ran with that for about 2 years. In those two years, I started to realize that sex only was not what I wanted from a woman. Yes the sex was fun and it did keep me from thinking about the hurt I experienced but in the end it didn’t help me grow and better myself.
So I decided to stop with the random sexual encounters. I didn’t feel right having sex with a woman that I had no connection with. Most of the women I encountered weren’t friends of mine and most weren’t spoken to after the act was done (even if the acts were done with the same person). The few that were friends however, were okay with the fact that I was looking for more when it came to intimate situations (just not with them of course). Some men would call me “punk” or “not a man” for no longer wanting to sleep around with a bunch of women and tossing them aside. I never said that I wanted to stop having sex with women until I get into another relationship, just couldn’t(won’t) do it with someone that I have no connection outside of the sex.
After awhile, I stopped having intimate relations altogether. I no longer felt anything for the women I was involved with so I removed myself from those situations. With no connection with these women, it was easy to let go and keep moving. Its been about 5 years since I had any intimate encounter with any woman. Yeah, hard to believe I know. I’ve been good with keeping up with appearances but I haven’t been intimate with a woman in years. I’m okay with that though. It’s not something I’m no longer rushing. I’ve learned from my mistakes in relationships and situation-ships. I used to be extremely clingy or overly apologetic. I pushed friends away for a girlfriend (or someone I wanted to date). I gave more of myself to people than they did for me. I lost myself and ignored obvious signs of the relationship failing because I didn’t want to lose the feeling of having someone who cared for me and wanted me. While I may not be exactly on the lookout for a girlfriend at this present moment, I am attempting to build quality friendships with people and build something from there. In the recent months, I’ve made some fruitful re-connections and made some wonderful new connections with people I hope to continue to grow with. If you don’t take anything from this post take this, your mistakes of the past shouldn’t hinder you or your future self, but they should be materials to build yourself upon. Don’t repeat your mistakes, be better.